Darkness
by Alcandre
Summary: A really random fic about a dream Rei has. Really depressing but quite good in my opinion. RR
1. Chapter 1

Title: Darkness Rating: PG-13 (really dark) Author: Alcandre  
  
Okay, this is a random story. I was reciting a monologue I had to learn by memory and I got this idea. It's really depressing and I don't even know if I'm gonna write another chapter. Okay, I don't own Sailor Moon. Yes, it is very upsetting but alas, it is true.  
  
  
  
  
  
I've been afraid to sleep for years. I'm afraid to sleep because I'm afraid to dream. Night is worse than day, because at night, in my dreams, everything is dark. There are no friends or family to help get me through the terrible darkness or frightening silence. If there is someone else, it's a stranger; a horrible, frightening stranger that I know I should know, but I don't.  
  
There's darkness all around me and I want to scream, I want to yell and shout for help. But I can't. Nothing comes out of my mouth but little gasps. I try to ask the stranger who he is, what does he want, and why is he plaguing my dreams?  
  
He seems to understand but doesn't answer. he never does. And then, the scene always changes. I see all my friends; Usagi, Ami, Makoto, and Minako. They all looked terrified. They are all watching something. I want to see what it is they are watching but I can't. All I see is them and the darkness surrounding us.  
  
Usagi shouts something, I can tell by the way her face becomes strained. She's telling the others something but I can't hear it. I want to hear, I want to be with them but I can't move. I stay rooted in that one spot, in the "observation booth". I feel like I have on ear plugs. I can't hear a thing.  
  
Then, Minako screams so loud I can almost hear it. It's a scream of agony, like she's being ripped apart. I try to move again, but I still can't. I can only watch as Minako falls to the ground, still and not screaming anymore.  
  
Usagi runs over to her. She shakes her. no response. Usagi starts to cry. I can feel my heart breaking as I watch, unable to comfort my princess in her sadness.  
  
I feel a presence next to me. I already know who it is. But every time, I look over, hoping it's not who it is; hoping that my dream can change after all these years. But it never does. It's the stranger. He is watching the scene as well, looking terribly grim.  
  
I look back at Usagi and watch as she slowly stands up and turns to face the unknown thing they are facing. She shouts again, this time at the enemy. Makoto shouts as well and Ami pulls out her trusty computer. This scene is so familiar. It looks like every other fight we have. Usagi looking upset but determined, Makoto screaming at the monster, and Ami typing away. But the thing that ruins this image is Minako on the ground, seemingly dead.  
  
I look back over at the stranger. He glances at me and then disappears. That always startles me, even though I know it's going to happen.  
  
And by the time I look back at the others, Usagi is the only one standing. She has tears running down her face and I can tell she is trying to be strong. Slowly, she falls to her knees and buries her face in her hands. And then, I can hear for the first time.  
  
"Why, Rei?" Usagi asks. "Why weren't you here?"  
  
And then, it all disappears. I'm standing in total darkness once more. I feel the tears on my cheeks and I can tell my heart will never heal.  
  
Yes, why wasn't I there? Why couldn't I help them? Why did I just stand there, looking at them like I was watching a TV show?  
  
And then, I find my voice. I finally fall to my knees, screaming into the darkness. "Why!!!???" I shout. "Why couldn't I help them? What are you doing to me?"  
  
The tears fall faster then and I don't bother wiping them away. I sob into my hands, rocking back and forth in my sorrow.  
  
Suddenly, a heavy hand lies on my shoulder. I look up, terrified once more. It's the stranger.  
  
I jump up and grab him by the neck. "What do you want?" I shout. "Why... why?" My anger leaves me and I break down again. All I can see is the image of all my friends on the ground and Usagi crying.  
  
The stranger calmly pulls my hands from his neck and steps back. "Sailor Mars," he says. "You must learn to fight this darkness." And he disappears again.  
  
I sniff and look up, confused. But the only sight that greets me is of Usagi, on her knees, crying. "Why, Rei-chan? Why?"  
  
I always wake up then, tears streaming down my face. And I can't go back to sleep for the rest of the night. All I can think about is Usagi asking me why. A question even I don't know the answer to.  
  
  
  
I don't know whether to end this here or not. Just give me your opinions. I love reviews!!!! And please, read my other stories!! I beg of you!!!  
  
  
  
Thanks for reading, Alcandre 


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Darkness Chapter 2  
  
Author: Alcandre  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Well, I decided to continue this. And I do realize there is a Rei/Usagi fic out there with the same title. I didn't do this on purpose. I just thought the title "Darkness" fit this really well. And I am an avid reader to the other fic. Besides, this isn't going to be a Rei/Usagi love fic. It's just showing how Rei as to fight the darkness within her.  
  
I don't own Sailor Moon. There. Happy?  
  
  
  
Fight the darkness. Those words run through my head all through breakfast and all through the school day. I am constantly hearing the stranger telling me to fight it. And then, I hear Usagi asking me why I didn't help. It drives me crazy!  
  
And then at the study sessions, I can't concentrate. All I can see is Minako, Makoto, and Ami on the ground and Usagi kneeling over them. I feel the tears form in my eyes again. But I push them back. I won't allow myself to cry. That is a sign of weakness.  
  
"Rei-chan?"  
  
The sound of Ami's voice brings me back to the study session a few nights ago. "Hai?"  
  
Makoto raised her eyebrows. "Are you okay, Rei-chan? You really look out of it."  
  
I looked down at the table and nodded. "I'm fine," I muttered, not able to look my friends in the eyes. I don't want to tell them the dream. They'll just worry.  
  
"Rei," Minako said. "You know you can tell us if something is bothering you."  
  
"I know, Minako-chan. I know." I closed my eyes, not wanting to let my friends see the tears I knew were coming back.  
  
I felt a hand on my shoulder. I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked to see Usagi kneeling next to me. "Rei-chan." She began.  
  
I looked back down, ashamed to look her in the face. I betrayed her in my dream by not helping and I felt terrible about it.  
  
"Please. what's wrong?"  
  
I shook my head, afraid to speak. Silence fell in the room and I knew everyone was looking at me. I wanted to tell them, but then again. I didn't. I wanted to get it off my chest but I didn't want them to worry.  
  
"Well," Ami said after a while. "I've got to go home." I heard her stand up and start to gather her stuff.  
  
Makoto cleared her throat. "Hai, I should go to."  
  
The two silently left and I was left with Minako and Usagi.  
  
Minako scooted over to me and patted my back. "We all know something is bothering you, Rei." She hugged me. "And we are ready to listen to you when you're ready to talk about it."  
  
I nodded. "Arigato, Minako-chan, Usagi-chan." I gave a small sigh. "I'm just not ready yet."  
  
"Well, I gotta leave as well." Minako gave me one more hug then got up. "I'll see you guys later!" And she was gone. I was left by myself with the one person I promised I would never betray.  
  
"Rei. listen to me," she stated.  
  
I took a deep breath to settle my emotions and nodded. "Okay, Usagi-chan."  
  
She hugged me around the shoulders. "You can talk to me about this at any time. You know that, ne?"  
  
I nodded and she continued.  
  
"Wake me up in the middle of the night if you want to. I won't mind. Just. get this off your chest. If not for you, then for the rest of us, okay?" She kissed my forehead. "I'm worried about you, Pyro. You look tired and worried about something."  
  
She stood up and I looked up at her. She smiled. "I'll talk to you whenever you need someone to talk to, Rei. I love all of you so much and I hate to see my best friend looking so ragged." She winked. "It doesn't suit you."  
  
And then, she was gone. I was by myself. All alone, with silence surrounding me. I slowly stood up and cleaned the room, then laid on the bed, knowing I needed sleep but afraid of what was waiting for me in my dreams.  
  
And just like the nights before, I had the dark surround me, the silence deafening, and the stranger telling me to fight it.  
  
I don't know what to do. I don't know who to talk to. I can feel myself going crazy. The dream is all I think about. I see the stranger everywhere. He is constantly in my thoughts. I am losing sleep. I know I look awful. Grandpa told me so.  
  
"Rei, you look terrible!" He said one morning. "You look like you haven't slept in days!"  
  
I just smiled and didn't say anything. He was right. I didn't sleep that night or the night before for fear of dreaming and having to watch everyone die and Usagi sob and ask me why I didn't help. I stayed up all night playing cards, reading, watching TV or working on shrine stuff. Of course, no one knew all this. No one knew that I was purposefully staying awake. I still hadn't told Usagi or any of the scouts.  
  
And now, here I am, going on the third night without sleep. I'm seriously thinking about lying down for just a minute. What would it hurt, right? I mean, I can wake myself up if the dream starts. Right?  
  
To be continued..  
  
Yes, yes, I should be working on "I am not" but I wanted to get this started. And besides, I haven't gotten anymore reviews on my last chapter! But that's okay; I am really having a writer's block. I'll get it out as soon as I get it written. Thanks to Angel of Peace, katefire002, and SgAltima for reviewing! I loved it! 


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Darkness Chapter 3  
  
Author: Alcandre  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Um, this chapter sucks. Yeah.. But I wrote this for my release. I would like reviews but. ::sigh: they aren't necessary. I can live without them.  
  
Rei: Well, I can't!  
  
Alcandre: Shh, Rei! I'm using reverse physiology.  
  
Rei: Whatever.  
  
Anyway. ::laughs nervously:; um, I don't own Sailor Moon. On with the story!!!!!!  
  
  
  
I should have known I wouldn't be able to wake up from the dream. I never realized how extremely difficult it is to wake up from a sleep that feels restless but is really deep in reality. So, when the darkness surrounded me once more as I fell asleep, I felt defeated when I couldn't wake myself up.  
  
I was literally trying to pinch myself in my dream but it didn't work. Stupid person who came up with that. It doesn't work! I just became more frantic and started crying and nothing had happened yet.  
  
And then, I feel a presence. I look up, expecting to see the stranger once again. But.I wasn't looking at someone I didn't know. I was actually looking at myself, only younger. That is very disturbing. I mean, you can see pictures of yourself from when you're younger, but actually standing there, in front of a younger you, is not something I want to experience everyday.  
  
Anyway, the darkness seemed to part for. Chibi Rei. No darkness swallowed her like it was swallowing me. And. she seemed so innocent. Then, she spoke.  
  
"Rei-chan," she says. I jump at that. Seeing me was one thing. Hearing me speak was another. "Please. listen to me."  
  
I just stare at me.er, her. Chibi Rei is dressed in shorts and a cute little shirt with flowers all over it. Her large eyes, so much like my own now, are unblinking and full of trust.  
  
"Nani?" I ask, not getting over the fact that I'm watching myself.  
  
"Rei," she sighs and walks closer to me. "Come with me."  
  
Right then, I feel like Scrooge in "A Christmas Carol" with the ghost of Christmas past. but I take her hand anyway. Right as my hand touches hers I feel a rush of wind and I am standing in front of my childhood home. I hadn't been there since my dad took me to the shrine to be with Grandpa.  
  
I look down at Chibi Rei, but she isn't there beside me anymore. I gasp and look around only to see her a little ways off, sitting in the grass, looking longingly across the street.  
  
I feel a tearing at my heart as I start to remember this particular moment in my life. My mom had just died a week before and my dad was always gone; off on business or just. gone. I had someone to look after me, I called her Grandma but she wasn't really related to me in anyway. She would make me cookies and read me stories. I loved being with her but a little girl of 5 needs to have a child playmate. I longed for one, with all my heart. And everyday, I would sit outside and watch the neighborhood children play tag or hide-and-seek with envy.  
  
On this particular day, I was especially sad because my dad had promised he would be home at noon but he called at one o'clock to tell me that he had to stay a little later than he thought.  
  
Anyway, I watched as Chibi Rei slowly stood up and started walking over to the other kids. I wanted to shout for her to stop, I knew she was about to get hurt, I had already experienced this once in my lifetime. I didn't want to have to see it as a spectator.  
  
"Minna!" Chibi Rei shouted as she crossed the street.  
  
The other kids stopped playing and watched as Chibi Rei came towards them. Right as she got across the street and was in the yard, a tall girl, probably around eight came up to her, smirking.  
  
"Why, hello, Rei-chan!"  
  
I watched myself smile in delight. "Hello, Yuri! May I play with you?"  
  
The taller girl smiled. "Why?"  
  
Chibi Rei frowned in confusion. "Nani?"  
  
I felt my heart wrench in pain. Iie, I thought, just stop!  
  
Yuri smirked again and then laughed. "Why would we let you play with us? You are such a freak!" The other kids laughed and a few yelled out "Freak!"  
  
Chibi Rei's eyes watered over and her lower lip trembled. "Demo-."  
  
Yuri suddenly pushed Chibi Rei and the young girl stumbled back, tears running down her face.  
  
I remembered with a start that I decided that day, to never make the first move in a friendship. I would harden my heart to everyone, unless they showed that they cared for me.  
  
Then, the darkness was around me again. It startles me; I was in such deep thought. Chibi Rei is in front of me again.  
  
"Remember that moment, Rei," she says. "That was when the Darkness entered your life."  
  
I begin to REALLY feel like Scrooge. I expect her to say "Now Hino-san, you must open your heart and love everyone, be like Tiny Tim and may God bless us. everyone."  
  
Thank, Kami. She didn't. She just smiled a sad smile and slowly disappeared.  
  
Now, I try to wake again. I mean, that was a lot; seeing myself, in person, and watching an event that happened years ago. But no. The gods didn't seem to want to let me wake up. I slept on. scared of what would happen next.  
  
"Rei."  
  
Oh gods..  
  
  
  
There. I would like reviews to tell me if I should continue. But. ya know. Um, yeeeaaahhh. I'll let ya go now.  
  
Alcandre 


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Darkness Chapter 4  
  
Author: Alcandre  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Well, here it is. chapter 4!! Sorry it took so long to get out. I have been soooo busy these past few weeks. I wrote this in one of my boring classes when I should have been taking notes! Hope ya like it!  
  
  
  
  
  
Once again, I didn't want to look. I already knew who it was and I just didn't want to know what she had to say.  
  
But something made me turn and look. And just as I suspected there stood, well. an older version of Sailor Mars. She seemed to have a spark in her eyes and a hint of a smile graced her face.  
  
"Rei." She said again, nodding to me.  
  
I just stand there, gaping. Seeing a smaller version of me was weird but this was an extreme. I was looking at me, just a few years older.  
  
She smiles at my expression. "Freaked out?" she asked.  
  
I just nod. Then I wet my lips and finally speak. "I feel like Scrooge. Are you the ghost of Christmas yet to come?"  
  
She laughs. "I guess in a way I am. I'm what you will be if you conquer the darkness inside of you." She takes a step closer. "Wanna see what would happen if you let the darkness take over your life?"  
  
I raise an eyebrow. "Would you want to see it?"  
  
She shakes her head. "No, but I have my orders."  
  
"From who?"  
  
"Pluto."  
  
I roll my eyes. "I should have known."  
  
She chuckles then winks. "All the same," she narrows her eyes and then snaps. A black cloak appears on her, hood and all. "Come with me and see the future that could be."  
  
I smile, glad to see that one version of my future self had a sense of humor.  
  
"Follow me," she says, turning around and walking away. I quickly follow, not too excited about seeing a version of my future, but not wanting to stay there by myself.  
  
Once again, I feel a rush of cold air and then I see a scene that is very familiar to me; the scene from my dream.  
  
My eyes widen in horror and I turn to my future self. "Nani?!"  
  
She gives a sad smile. "This is what will happen if you let the darkness consume you, Rei. The darkness will be so great that you will turn your back on your princess and friends."  
  
I shake my head. "Iie," I whisper. "I would never do that."  
  
"But you will. The enemy takes advantage of the darkness in you and takes control of your body."  
  
I feel hot tears start to gather in my eyes. "You mean." I can't finish the sentence.  
  
She nods. "You will be the one that kills your friends."  
  
The tears are falling freely now and I crumble to the ground, sobbing. I stay like that, crying into my hands until I feel arms around me.  
  
I look up with a gasp and see.  
  
"Usagi?" But wait, she seems different.  
  
"Iie," she says. "Neo-Queen Serenity."  
  
I sniff and try to compose myself. "Where did Mars go?"  
  
She gives a small smile. "I came to relieve her and I decided to talk to you."  
  
I wipe my eyes and study her. She looks a lot like the Usagi I know but her hair is silver and she holds wisdom in her eyes that Usagi doesn't have. Wisdom so great that she is saddened by it.  
  
"Talk about what?" I sniff.  
  
"You."  
  
"Me? Isn't that what this whole series of dreams is about?"  
  
Serenity smiles. "Hai, in a way. But this darkness won't leave you unless you want it to."  
  
My eyes widen and I frown. "If this damn darkness is going to make me kill my friends and hurt Usagi, I'll do whatever it takes."  
  
The queen's eyes sparkle and the smile grew. "Then open your heart, Rei- chan. Don't close everyone out."  
  
I raise an eyebrow. "How?"  
  
"Just open your eyes."  
  
And as if on cue, my eyes pop open and I sit up in bed. I blink, disoriented and confused.  
  
"Rei-chan?"  
  
My vision focuses on the person beside my bed. "Usagi? What are you doing here?" I glance at my clock and am surprised to see that it is 2 in the morning.  
  
"I've been here a while. Grandpa called me and told me to come over."  
  
"Nani? Why?"  
  
"He was worried about you." She brushes some bangs out of my eyes. "I was worried about you."  
  
I look away from her. "I'm sorry I worried you."  
  
"Rei." I felt her sit on the bed beside me. "You're my best friend. I'm always worried about you. I hate seeing you so upset all the time." She takes my hand. "If I were gay, I'd definitely want you."  
  
I snap my head around to look at her, my eyes wide. I see the laughter in her eyes and the smile on her lips. I feel a giggle build up in my throat.  
  
"Really now?" I ask, smiling.  
  
She nods, playfully batting her eyelashes.  
  
I feel my mood lighten. I knew she wasn't gay just like I knew I wasn't gay but I did love her. I love her as much as a friend can love another friend.  
  
"Well, if I were gay, I'd want you, too."  
  
It was then that we both burst into giggles.  
  
"I'm flattered," she said in between giggles.  
  
The laughter slowly died down and I looked her over. She had on her bunny pajamas and her mother's coat over them.  
  
"Came in a hurry?" I ask, grinning.  
  
She looks down at her attire and blushes. "He called and I came."  
  
Then it hit me. She cared so much about me that she came in the middle of the night to sit by my bed. At that moment, I opened my heart to Usagi's light. I felt warmth fill my body and it seemed that a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  
  
Without thinking, I throw my arms around my princess and start sobbing. She is surprised by this because I feel her tense up but that lasts only a second. She quickly responds and hugs me back.  
  
It had been so long since I have felt this way, open and free to enjoy the world. I have finally realized that I do have friends that love me and care about me. And from this moment on, I vow to leave my heart free of darkness. It feels so much better without it.  
  
  
  
The End  
  
Yep, that's the end! Please review! And thanks for reading! 


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